Yee’s

2017年，雪梨，23歲的我，開始了一段跟過去截然不同的生活，像是在底層一樣的生活。

在陌生的城市，和跟11個人住在2房1廳2衛的房子，沒有問題！因為負擔不起更好的房子。在所謂開發國家的富饒之地做時薪13塊錢的黑工，沒有問題！有工作就要偷笑了。想去酒吧喝酒？別偷笑了，去超市買2瓶啤酒就夠了，哪來的錢去喝一杯10塊錢的啤酒？有的時候其實也沒錢喝啤酒呢。想外食？拜託不要開玩笑，新鮮食物是昂貴奢侈的，印尼泡麵是你在超市唯一可以放入購物車的食物。我從前不曉得什麼叫做老一輩會怕蕃薯籤，直到吃了太多的印尼泡麵才懂得什麼叫做食物承載著痛苦。

我常笑著說在那樣的環境裡，你會自動洗去很多的標籤和堅持，因為在生活面前，那些東西都被汗水浸潤的無法辨認。甚至縱使知道這只是一段生命裡的短暫經驗而已，但那樣的短暫卻會被日復一日的帳單轟炸與捉襟見肘的生活麻痺得像一萬年一樣的長，直到你某天受不了動用了父親母親的資源，但那之後只會帶來排山倒海的罪惡感——因為發現自己偽善的過客，而其他人會不斷地輪迴下去。

不斷地，不斷地輪迴下去。

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我偶爾會懷念那段日子，那段日子裡的人們，一個成天作著要攀上男人得到永居夢的泰國女孩，以及一個對未來毫無規劃日本女孩。這些女孩大多有煙癮和酒癮，而且知道要怎麼買到便宜的煙和酒。

我下班回家後，總是會看到他們在陽台吞雲吐霧喝酒喝到掛。

偶爾的偶爾，我會試圖跟兩位坐在陽台共吸一支煙，喝幾瓶酒，嘗試想融入另一個生活。聊聊前任為什麼拋棄她？聊聊現任如何。聊聊留與不留和錢如流水。這樣的生活真的很簡單，除了男男女女之間。我們沒有時間在乎除了柴米油鹽醬醋茶和男人以外，下班後，三個女人一支煙，飄飄然的，我們也只有這麼一點。

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回到台灣之後，一切都複雜了起來，只是深刻的知道，簡單有簡單的代價。

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（請ChatGPT幫我翻譯然後我自己再修一下，我真的好懶哈哈哈哈。英文寫作能力急速退步中）

Sydney, 2017. I was 23.

That was a a year completely different from the one I’ve had before—a much simpel life.

Living with eleven other people in a flat of two-bedroom, which was fine because I couldn’t afford anything better. Having no choice but to work illegally and being paid way under the minion wages were also “blessed" because being employed was hard back then, considering my English wasn’t good enough.

Stayed-home drinking was a no brainer, because I couldn’t really afford a drink at any bars, discounted beer from the liquor shop would do—who had ten bucks to spend on a drink?

Eating out was kind of living in a dream. As poor as I was back then, fresh food would get a hard pass, Indomie (an instant noodles brand from Indonesia) was the only box I would check on the buying list. I had never understood why my grand parents hated having sweet potato porridges until I had too many packets of those instant noodles. That’s when I learned what it meant for food to carry the weight of suffering.

I often joked that in such a life, all tags and self-persistence would get washed away. Life would knocked you so hard until you were no longer recognizable. Even if I knew this was just a temporary chapter in my life, the huge stake of bills would chase you like a haunting vulture, till you waving white, and that was inferno.

If one day, when you couldn’t take it anymore and leaned on your parents’ support,what came crashing down wasn’t just relief—but a tidal wave of guilt. Because that’s when I realized: I was just a visitor but others would keep going, they would keep struggling down here, day after day, generation after generation.

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Sometimes, I find myself missing those days. I miss the people in that time—a Thai girl chasing dreams of marrying a PR, a Japanese girl with no plan for the future. Most of them smoked and drank, and always knew where to find the cheapest cigarettes and boozes.

Every night when I got home from work, I’d see them sitting out on the balcony, smoking and drinking till intoxicated. And sometimes—just sometimes—I’d try to join them. We’d share a cigarette, a couple of beers, and I’d try to slip into another kind of life.

We talked about exes and lovers, about staying or leaving, about money that slipped through our fingers like water.Life was simple. We didn’t have the time to care about anything beyond rent, groceries, and men.

After work, three women, one cigarette, a little buzz—that was all we had. But once I came back to Taiwan, everything got complicated again. And I realized: even simplicity comes at a cost.